on the verge of something wonderful

OK, I cannot sleep. It’s quarter to three and I have spent most of the last three hours finding stories on the internet and getting Alex (the Mac speech tool; he has the best voice) to read to me in headphones while I try to get to sleep. That didn’t work. I listened to a Bloc Party song on here (thanks, Braden) and was then in the mood to listen to more Bloc Party, figure stuff, and hopefully sleep. As good as that was, the only thing I figured was that I wasn’t tired and was not going to sleep anytime soon. You know them strange thought-trains that form when you start thinking about something, and through the most peculiar string of liaisons, end up thinking about something completely different? Well, this one landed on listing all the people from my year at school who have since died. It’s quite shocking, actually. A few I can’t really remember their names, or, maybe I think I can but I’m not sure if that was actually their name or if I just constructed that from what I remember, but I can name at least ten, and my school didn’t have loads of people in a school year, like, everyone knew everyone’s name. Don’t worry, I don’t usually go to bed and count dead people. It’s just one of them things, you know, that happen most when you’re between things, like, in your life. Mum’s always like, ‘you’ve finished one chapter and you’re now entering a new chapter’ in your life, she means. But anyway, between these chapters, you really do let the most curious of thoughts occupy the hours that should be spent sleeping, or planning, or redesigning the CV you have to send to more places, or whatever. I haven’t done a ‘read more’ in so long, it’s about time. Maybe it’s just the excitement. Yeah, I think it’s the excitement. And because home, for me, is like a neutral place, where nothing really changes, it’s like this is where I live and think and plan between chapters. I can’t help thinking of all the things I left, like, all the people and places and stuff that happened, how that’s all so small now. It’s as though I have moved far away and I’m looking back at it all now and it’s so small on the horizon, but at the time it was huge and it was everything. However, what’s coming up now seems huge, as it is actually happening. Whereas it seemed so small before, as an idea, as an ambition, it’s now huge and everything. Well, not everything, of course. I’m not a dick. I still love people and times and stuff from before, just as I do from here at home, but I’m simply very excited for something new. It’s not Bloc Party now, on my itunes, it’s Blur. Keeping things in alphabetical order is pretty predictable, actually. Maybe I should go back to sorting my itunes by track length or file size or something like that. Blur isn’t as thought-provoking, for me. Maybe no music is the best idea now. The cat’s trying to open the living room door, I better let her in, then try again to get some sleep.